


Dealbreakers

by alessandralee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alessandralee/pseuds/alessandralee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week off in New York City gives Skye and Jemma the opportunity to explore the world of online dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dealbreakers

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Day 4 of Skye Week on tumblr, for the theme 'favorite relationship.' Jemma and Skye's friendship is probably my favorite relationship on the show.

“Remind me why we’re doing this again,” Jemma asks from her spot next to Skye.

“Because we’ve been working nonstop for months and I need to spend a night thinking about something lighter than guns and aliens and threats against humanity. Also I need to get laid,” Skye’s fingers fly across her keyboard as she turns to waggle her eyebrows at Jemma.

“Okay, remind me why _I’m_ doing this?”

“Because, aside from sleeping and calling to check on Fitz’s recovery, you barely ever leave the lab.”

“I most certainly have,” Jemma scoffs.

“Temporarily setting up in other labs doesn’t count.”

Jemma’s only response is an exaggerated eye roll because, honestly, Skye’s right.

“But online dating? Can’t we just go to a bar and see what happens?” she asks, even though she and Skye have had this conversation before.

“I told you, we only have a week off. I need to weed through douchebags and find the best that New York City has to offer.”

“And you think the best are looking for dates online?” Nothing Skye says can ease Jemma’s skepticism.

“Look, I’m not asking you to go out with every guy who sends you a message, we’re just putting together a profile. Besides, you need to get laid just as much as I do.”

Jemma can feel the blush burn on her cheeks.

“I do not need to get laid,” she insists.

“Oh really? Does that mean you and Trip…” she trails off suggestively. “Or May?”

“No. Trip and I agree that, given our close working environment, it would best if we maintained a relationship that is strictly professional.”

“And one of you actually said that?” Now it’s Skye’s turn to be skeptical.

“Not exactly,” Jemma is now completely flustered. “Can we just focus on the task at hand?”

Skye grins triumphantly and it only takes a moment for Jemma to realize she’s been duped into going along with Skye’s online dating plan.

“I hate you,” Jemma tells her.

“You’re lying, you love me,” Skye briefly rests her head on Jemma’s shoulder, before focusing back on her laptop and opening a empty profile form on DateMe.com. She fills in the first few blanks on her own, before she asks Jemma for input.

“How would you spend your typical Friday night?”

“In the lab, cataloguing material samples from whatever mission we’ve just been on. Usually while you hover behind me and try to break my concentration.”

She knows it’s not the kind of answer Skye wants, and that’s a big reason why it’s the answer she gives.

“Yeah, I don’t think Coulson would appreciate us broadcasting our ‘missions’ to the world. Let’s just go with ‘hanging out with friends.’”

Having to avoid mention of her actual job was going to make this even harder than Jemma thought. She hadn’t expected her week of to amount to even more undercover training.

It takes them about an hour to decide that Jemma is a biochemist working for Stark Industries (and she has been given access to Stark’s labs, so it’s not the biggest lie she’s had to tell) who loves travel, reading, and the occasional night out on the town. Skye tries to add skydiving to the list, but Jemma tugs the laptop out of her hands and refuses to return it until Skye agrees to leave her near death experience out of it.

Skye, they determine, also works for Stark labs, but in data security (Skye laughs when Jemma suggests this). She loves coffee, horror movies, and karaoke.

Skye hasn’t even added a photo to her profile before she gets her first message. Sadly, all it says is “hi,” and the photo accompanying it is nothing more than a set of (admittedly nice) abs.

“But would you date those abs?” Jemma teases, when Skye fails to find any additional photos.

“Not when they come with a tattoo of a naked lady,” Skye taps on the screen, over a partially obscured spot on his side.

Jemma squints, “I think she might just be topless.”

“You get the point. Not interested. And also disappointed. We can check on yours after dinner.”

\---------

Work keeps them busy for the next two days, and Jemma briefly hopes that maybe Skye has forgotten all about this online dating adventure. But the morning before they’re due to take off for New York, Skye knocks on her door.

Jemma is barely conscious and wondering why the hell Skye could possibly be up so early when they don’t actually have anywhere to be. But when she enters the bunk wearing workout clothes, Jemma remembers she’s been doing tai chi with May most mornings. They’ve invited her, but her late nights make their early mornings impossible.

When she sees the bright pink and blue logo of DateMe.com blinking across Skye’s laptop screen, Jemma attempts to hide under her covers. As with most things, though, Skye will not be deterred. She has the blanket pulled over her head for all of five seconds before it’s ripped completely off of her body.

Jemma curls up into a ball go conserve what little warmth she can find, and Skye takes this as an invitation to make herself comfortable on the bottom half of the bed.

“I’ll go easy on you,” Skye tells her, crossing her legs and setting the computer down on her lap, “we’ll do mine first.”

“How about you go easy on me and delete my profile,” Jemma mutters.

“Not until we have plans for tomorrow night.”’

Jemma groans, but pulls herself up into a sitting position next to Skye. Then she reaches over the other woman to grab the blanket Skye has piled next to her. At least she can keep warm now. Skye clicks through a bunch of the obnoxiously bright screens and Jemma wishes she’d had time to make herself some tea.

“Oh look, he’s kind of cute,” Skye says, pointing to a photo three messages down on the screen.

“He’s a tiny photo the size of my thumbnail,” Jemma retorts, but Skye’s enthusiasm refuses to be dampened. She clicks on the message.’

“Hey there beautiful,” she reads out loud, “The first thing I noticed about you was your gorgeous smile. Hit me up if you wanna chat.”

“Well that was… not terrible,” Jemma offers. 

“Yeah, but it’s not a lot to go on. Let’s see if his profile’s any better.”

Skye makes it two lines down the page before clicking back to her inbox and deleting the message.

“I assume there was a dealbreaker?” Jemma asks.

“Blah blah blah, I’m a lover not a fighter. Blah blah blah, why do girls onto date douchebags instead of nice guys like me.”

Jemma scrunches her nose in disgust.

“Moving on then.”

Skye decides to start from the earliest message and work her way up.

The first one just reads “Wow ur stunning. My name is Bobby btw.” Skye almost clicks out of it before she realizes there’s a second message. “Guess not then.”

Skye snorts and Jemma’s interest in the message piques. 

“Good thing he gave you four hours to respond before that second message.”

They move on again.

“Hey I just saw your profile and I wanted to say hello. You are very attractive and seem interesting. I’d love to chat and get to know you. I know I’m older than you, but I thought I’d take a risk and contact you anyway.”

“Exactly how old is he?” Jemma asks.

“Fifty four,” Skye replies, already deleting the message.

“That’s —“

“Older than Coulson.”

“I was going to say twice your age, but yes.”

The next few messages are all variations of “hi, you’re pretty,” and Skye doesn’t find any of them attractive enough to tolerate their lack of originality.

“She’s cute,” Jemma says when Skye opens a particularly long message.

Skye skims over the text.

“She’s also looking for someone to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Been there, tried that, would like to forget.”

Another message goes in the trash.

“Oh this one’s great,” Skye comments before reading aloud, “Sorry I only date good looking girls… and you’re really good looking.”

Skye and Jemma share matching looks of disbelief and collapse into giggles.

“But why would he think that would work? Like just because I thought he was going to insult me and he didn’t; now I’ll totally want to date him? Absolutely not.”

Jemma shrugs.

“Hey what’s up? I just wanted to ask you what your biggest turn off is in a man,” this one Skye reads in a silly voice. “Well right now,” she returns to her normal voice, “it’s weird intro messages from creeps on dating sites.”

There are two messages left and, honestly, Skye’s not even sure she wants to open them. She does anyway.

“Hey princess you’re pretty,” she sighs loudly, “Now that I set you up with that original compliment, you have to no choice but to go out with me… that’s how it works right? Ha ha ha.”

Jemma rolls her eyes.

“On the bright side, he’s probably not a murderer and a member of Hydra, which puts him way ahead of the last guy I made out with,” Skye half jokes.

Jemma hums sympathetically. They rarely talk about Ward with each other; Skye usually vents that particular frustration in training with May.

“Oh good,” Skye’s voice drips with sarcasm. “Saved the best for last. What’s up cutie? What do you do for fun? U drink? Play pool? My name’s Scott, I’m 6’3 with 4 tats, a tongue ring, and a Prince Albert. Hit me up if you wanna chat.”

It takes Jemma a full minute to compose herself, and she’s surprised Skye made it through the entire message with a straight face.

“Why do I even try?” Skye moans, throwing her head back against the wall behind her.

“At least he’s up front about… you now,” Jemma gestures in front of her lap.

“Awesome, the best thing I can say about my brilliant plan to find a decent human being to date for a week is that at least I’m not going to be surprised by the guy with his junk pierced. Maybe you were right; we should just go to a bar. At least I can spill a drink on the creeps there.”

“Oh thank god,” Jemma says, more to herself than to Skye.

“But only if you agree to let me pick out your clothes,” Skye perks back up a bit.

Jemma considers her options. On one hand, the last time she let Skye pick out her clothes for a night out, there were leather pants involved. On the other hand, if Jemma’s messages are half as bad as Skye’s were, she might actually die of embarrassment.

“Deal,” she agrees.


End file.
